Board Thread:Questions and Answers/@comment-44915934-20200123145510/@comment-44915934-20200130223240

MakePeaceAndLove wrote: Thank you for sharing these stories with the community, Nimlasher. ^_^ They were a pleasure to read, and your love for the game and its characters really shows through them.

From what I can see you have a talent for painting a scene and setting the tone and mood with words, and the vocabulary to help with it. "Research Assistance" had that mysterious atmosphere and you used Riala's red eyes in a clever way, while "A Loving Experiment" was gentle and intimate. I'm also a fan of Robin, and Riala (though I'm a fan of most of the TLS characters, actually) and I'm glad to see more scenes with them, even if there is no precedent for Robin/Riala (not yet, perhaps?) I can see it based on their professional relationship, as you wrote it.

If I had to criticize something, then it's the fact you get to the best part and then the story quicky ends. It makes sense that Riala is so skilled she's irresistible, but even with Simon I could see her taking it slower to enjoy it more. It also feels strange after you spent so long setting up the scene in "Research Assistance", adding all these details, only to spend one paragraph on the best part, so it seems short and like an abrupt ending. This was less obvious with Robin and Riala, but once they swapped roles it sounds (maybe to me?) like Riala only needed 'one lick' for Robin, which is kind of a shame. Again maybe it's just me, but I'd have enjoyed a slower pace that keeps the level of details you bring to earlier parts of the story, telling exactly what Riala does to bring her partners pleasure, how her fingers and tongue move. But that sort of thing comes with practice, so I encourage you to write more and keep an eye out for adding such details. There's a lot of material you can use as inspiration for this including the many scenes in TLS that Sierra Lee blessed us with so generously.

Oh and this is really minor, but it jumped out at me when I saw it - there's a line in "A Loving Experiment" that reads "to make room for the the voluptuous succubus ". That's one "the" too many, otherwise it looked clean to me.

Good luck with your writing Nimlasher, I look forward to reading more of your stories. Thank you for your words and your criticisms. Pacing is something that I've struggled with in the past and it's definitely something I need to work with. I'm so glad that I was able to convey the build-up in a satisfactory manner. And thank you fro pointing out the extra "the". I'll edit and remove it. Hopefully with the scene I'm currently working on I'll be able to put your words into better practice and keep the same level of quality with the rest of the entry (I'll also be working on a revision for A Loving Experiment that will expand on the act a bit more thanks to your tips).